When you hear the word “punishment,” sex probably isn't the first thing that comes to mind. But in BDSM—an umbrella term that encompasses bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism, and masochism—punishment can be a major component of sex. And a pleasurable one, at that.
“Punishment is a behavior modification tool used in some [dominant/submissive] dynamics to train or discipline a submissive when they’ve defied a boundary or disobeyed an order,” explains Charyn Pfeuffer, a sex and relationships writer and author of 101 Ways to Rock Online Dating. “There’s no one-size-fits-all playbook for punishment, and not every kinky relationship uses it.”
Every couple is free to determine the type and severity of punishments they want to use—and the options are essentially endless. For example, if the submissive partner is a "brat" (a sub who enjoys disobeying their dom’s rules), a dom might give you a spanking as a punishment for being naughty.
“Punishment can include spankings, slapping, choking, use of restraints, or (consensually) forcing your partner into sexual acts," says Daniel Saynt, founder and chief conspirator of The New Society for Wellness, a private members Open Love club for the adventurous. "It's really up to you and your partner to set the limits of what's okay for punishment and what's not.”
Like with most deliciously kinky things, punishment is not just about pain, but also pleasure. It’s a dance between the dom and sub that allows them to explore sides of themselves they may not get a chance to express in real life.
“Sexual punishment is when you know there is a part of you that is under-expressed, maybe from shame or fear,” says Kenneth Play, international sex educator and and creator of the Sex Hacker Pro Series. “So, if you feel like you’re being a dirty slut, being punished by your partner allows you to live out that feeling, while also enjoying your 'dirty slut' side.”
IMPORTANT: Before you engage in any BDSM punishments, you and your partner must thoroughly discuss your boundaries and limits beforehand. Despite the connotation of punishing someone, the activity still requires enthusiastic consent from all parties; the punished wants to be punished, and the punisher wants to punish.
Here are 23 ideas for consensual BDSM punishments:
1. Orgasm denial
This is where you bring someone to the brink of orgasm, only to stop touching them right before orgasm. Oh, the sweet agony.
